When I watched Leo Buscaglia’s tapes, he often referred to his wonderful parents, and the hugging and love that was shared so freely within his large Italian family. Well, that’s not my story. Actually, it was the opposite. I didn’t see or feel that kind of love displayed within my family.
However, for some reason, since my preteen years, I always knew that God was guiding me and loving me. I had a wonderful, beautiful grandmother who I remember spending so many great times. I don’t remember her ever telling me she loved me, but I knew she did. My parents divorced when I was 9 which was confusing for me. My father retained custody of the children, and I lost touch with my mother for many years. I won’t go into all the pain or abuse, but it was not an easy childhood nor a loving one. My 2nd oldest sister tried and told me she loved me at one point, but by that time, I had become pretty bitter and lashed out with words full of hate. I regret being mean to her, but have forgiven myself, since I didn’t really know any better at that time. My oldest sister and my youngest sister were pretty close to me, and I knew there was love from them.
When I became an adult, my mother and I reunited, and I was able to renew that love. What a wonderful time we had getting to know each other and the new family she had. I grew very close to her and her family. I guess I am extra blessed because of the connection I’ve been able to build with my Mother and her family, and some of my siblings from my original family.
The purpose of the telling of my story is to let you know that I knew how important love was because I had not felt loved as a girl. When I had children of my own, and after my divorce from their father, I knew I didn’t know how to raise children. I had not been taught how to be a loving parent. I put myself into therapy, read lots of self-help books and listened to endless tapes on self-discovery. I knew that as a single parent I would not be able to teach my children all the things they should know. I worked 1-4 jobs most of the time, and I missed so much valuable time with my children. I remember, sometimes when is wasn’t a school night, coming home from my last job at night, going in and waking them up just so I could spend some time with them.
Till next time, may Light make your path clear, may Wisdom be your guide and may Love lead you in this journey called “Life”.